Post by Procrastin on Nov 4, 2010 15:27:41 GMT -5
[[I've been instructed to post this here as well! So here it is 
! Only I'm way too lazy to put the formatting in again... Maybe I'll do it later. BUT IT'S IN THE BLOG XD]]
Once upon a time in another world, or even, an alternate universe if you will! The members of the Kamil te Kar found themselves in high school...in suburbia… and inexplicably nothing like their actual teenage selves necessarily! Like, Pro’s not an only child and Auro’s not being kept in like a giant corpse filled hole and oh yeah, Pro and Campy are related now even though they inexplicably still have different last names does it not BLOW YOUR MIND. Yeah, whatever, fuck you. Our story starts in the home of Procrastin Havaleth, because that’s the toon this stupid unimaginative author knows the most about- I mean. What? Fuck you. She doesn’t need to justify herself to you! And no she’s not talking in the third person I HAVE AN IDENTITY YOU KNOW! What? Don’t give me that look. Shut up. ANYWAY.
CHAPTER ONE: BIOLOGY CLASS
“SACRAFICE THE VIRGINNNSSS TO OUR DARK LOOORRR-“ Procrastin’s hand fell heavily on the snooze button. As relaxing as death metal was early in the morning, it was still a little TOO early. And his neck was sore as shit. He had to sleep on his side all night and caaaaarefully rotate whenever he rolled over. He’d shaved his inky black hair into a mohawk the night before in a fit of parental inspired rebellion, and had used a bottle of wood glue he’d swiped from shop class the day before to turn it into a glorious spike-hawk. But he had to let the glue set and it made sleeping suck. But damn, his hair was badass now. And represented the darkness in his soul. Yeah. That. And pissed off his parents. But more importantly was the, you know…soul stuff.
Eventually Procrastin managed to ooooze out of bed, and started to don his all black (of course) garb, from the heavy combat boots to fishnet hobo gloves (a guy has to stay warm you know) and his cherished black pleather trench coat. The trench coat almost made him look like a normal human being, you know, aside from all the goth stuff. He’d been in a painful series of growth spurts for the, oh, last three years, leaving him a gangly stretched out mess who was constantly hitting his head on low hanging objects and could single handedly demolish an entire pizza. Or two. Hey, you try going from five foot to six four in a short time. Yeah. Dude probably has stretch marks on his thighs. Not that the author would know anything about growth stretch marks- OH SHIT SHE’S AFTER ME RUN- OW- I’M SORRY MISTRESS.
Ahem. Where were we? grumblegrumbledumbbitchgrumble
Ah, yes, as Procrastin stared DEEPLY into the mirror, carefully applying his black eyeliner, he heard his annoying little brother’s alarm go off.
“The Light loves me this I know! Cuz the Na-ru tell me sooo”
Pro screwed up his face at the sound, and reached over to crank up his own music.
“THE BLOOD FLOWS OVER THE VALLEEEEYYYY. IT’S LIKE A BLOODY LAKE VALLEY OF BLOOOOOOOOOOD. LIKE IF CRATER LAKE WAS FULL OF BLOOD. IF YOU KNOW WHAT CRATER LAKE LOOKS LIIIIKE. IF NOT YOU SHOULD LOOK IT UP CUZ IT’S KINDA COOOOL. AND SOMETHING ABOUT VIKINNNGGGSSS. DEAAATTTHHH. AND THE VIKINGS RAARRGLEGAHWORDSANDWATER ANDTHEREWERGAGLELIKE GRRRAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH AND MORE DEEAAAATTTHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRR”
“Procrastin! Turn that racket down, it’s too early for that nonsense1!” (lol there’s a one, I did that on accident! So I decided to leave it OW MISTRESS STOP HITTING ME I’LL GET TO THE POINT) Um, Procrastin’s parents yelled through his door. Or his mom did, yeah, we’ll go with mom. Pro, of course, pretended not to hear her.
And the morning went on…teeth were brushed…bagels were devoured… death metal was eventually silenced. Pro climbed into his hideous primer gray sedan and discovered a slight problem. His hair was too tall. So he rolled down the window and cocked his head sideways so the spikes could stick outside. The hair must be preserved. He lit up a cigarette in his awkward position as he waited for his little brother. Eventually he saw Campion appear in the doorway, dressed in his customary slacks and polo shirt. As soon as he spotted Campion he put the car in reverse and slooowly started to back out of the driveway. Campion trotted towards the car waving.
“Hey! Stop! I’m not that late!”
Procrastin reluctantly brought the car to a stop as Campion reached for his door and climbed inside.
“Jeeze. What the hell, Pro, you know Mom and Dad don’t want you to smoke.”
Procrastin blew a stream of smoke in Campion’s face. “So?”
Pro slammed the car into drive, and squealed off down the road at a whopping like…twenty five miles an hour. His tires being completely bald by now… The old junker rattled and groaned its way to Azeroth High, somehow making the trip without stalling or breaking. Pro pulled into the parking lot and parked crooked across three spots. Campion glared. But it was a point of contention they’d had argued about too many times to even bother with again.
Pro checked his spikes in the side mirror, to make sure they hadn’t been damaged in the drive. When he was satisfied that they were all perfectly spiky, he grabbed another cigarette, plopped down on the hood of his car, and started smoking as Campion hurried off to class.
Class was for losers. He only came to school to hang out with his friends.
Except today, in second period biology they were dissecting frogs, which sounded pretty cool. He’d probably go to that.
A few minutes later Mandy showed up, this time in a loose gray top slung so low he could see the top of her black lacey bra…niiice. She didn’t so much ask Pro for a cigarette, as reach in his coat and take one for herself. She pulled a lighter out of her ratty jeans pocket and lit up.
“Hi.”
“Hi. So…you know that guy from fifth period? Big draenei guy, Alkernon?”
“Yeah?”
“So. He has like…a tiny penis. I saw it last night.”
“What? Mandy! Ew… ”
“Yeah, I know, it was like a half a roll of pennies when it was at full attention.”
Pro tapped the ash off his cigarette, frowning. “That’s actually kinda sad…poor guy…”
“I know, right? I felt bad for him. So I took him for a spin anyway. And he did my math homework.”
“Nice…I wish I could do chicks and have them do my math homework.”
“Sorry, doesn’t work that way.”
“I know, it sucks…”
Eventually, the end of first period bell rang. Pro waved goodbye to Mandy and made his way to biology class. Time to cut open a frog!
Somehow, Pro still managed to be late for class, and slid inside as the instructor gave his safety spiel. His lab partner, Ester, looked over at Pro with a rather uninterested expression. Ester made the best lab partner. She didn’t give a shit when Pro skipped unlike SOME shitty lab partners. And she was hot in that kinda creepy serial murderer way.
“Oh. You actually showed up today.” She stated it more like a fact as opposed to any sort of judgment.
“Of course, how could I miss this?”
The instructor glared over at Procrastin for a moment at the interruption, then continued his speech. “The scalpels are very sharp! I don’t want to see you kids screwing around with them! Or you’ll get in big trouble! You know what they say, you mess with the tauren…you get the testosterone fueled rage.”
“Um. I don’t think that’s how the saying goes,” Lilifred sneered, causing the gaggle of cheerleaders around her to burst into giggles, while she glared at them with deep seated distain and loathing, which they all completely failed to notice.
The teacher rolled his eyes. “I don’t care! Just don’t screw around! Now-“
“It smells like dead frog and ass in here…” Arenvald blurted. The teacher shrugged, overlooking the potty mouth. The best quarterback Azeroth High had in years got to get away with certain things. You know, sports favoritism or whatever. They were like…going to regional’s or something important.
“That smell is actually the chemicals keeping the frogs preserved! NOW. If there are no more witty interjections, Jaxith and Aleyna, if you two would distribute the frogs. One per pairing…we don’t have enough of them for everyone.” Aleyna scoffed, rolling her eyes as she stood to grab one of the coolers. Her hair seemed to change color every day. Today it was neon green and spiked. Pro proudly noted his spikes were still longer. He did not, however, have enough rings and chains hanging from his ears to jingle when he moved his head, unlike Aleyna.
The elf wove through her half of the room, unceremoniously tossing frogs onto people’s trays, while Jaxith shuffled through his half of the room with a thinly masked look of horror at the prospect of carrying a cooler full of dead frogs. He took each one and gingerly laid it on the trays as if they might break. Who knew a death knight could be so perturbed by dead things? And how’s a death knight in high school you ask? I don’t know. Fuck you.
“You should already have an instruction sheet on your table next to your dissection tray. Follow the instructions CAREFULLY and answer the questions as completely as possible. Let me know if you have any questions.”
Ester snatched up the scalpel as their frog splatted down in its tray. Pro frowned at her.
“Hey! I want to cut it open…”
“You’re too big of a klutz to be trusted with a delicate task,” she said simply, beginning the first incision down the frog’s belly with painful accuracy.
“I’m not a klutz!”
“How many door jams have you run into today?” Ester asked as she read over the next step of their instructions.
Pro frowned…two… “What? I haven’t run into any, fuck you…You’re totally not as hot when you’re being a bitch.”
Ester sloooowly looked over at him, scalpel in hand, and slooowly looked back to the frog. Procrastin’s blood froze.
Pro watched and half-assedly took notes as Ester dissected their frog with alarming precision. It was almost as if she’d done this before. Once the frog was taken apart, and Ester started meticulously filling out their work sheet, Pro rolled his eyes and left. He needed a smoke anyway.
He headed to the boys room and cracked the window. The window needed to be cracked anyway. It smelled like piss in there. It ALWAYS smelled like piss in there. He was pretty sure when the janitor came in to pee at night, he just whizzed all over the walls then spread it around with his mop. As he lit his cigarette he heard a faint sniffling and choking sound. He’d peeked under the stall doors when he came in, it was standard procedure before lighting up, and hadn’t seen any feet. He walked to the far stall where the sniffling was coming from and slowly pushed it open.
On top of the toilet sat Auroran, hugging his legs to his chest and whimpering into his knees. Usually Auro was in Procrastin’s biology class, but then Pro realized he hadn’t seen the elf there. Auro was a weird kid. Procrastin didn’t really know him too well except for his reputation of pretending to read while staring at people during lunch like some sort of creeper.
“Uh….uh….” Pro stammered. He was bad at…awkward shit. “You…okay?”
Auro shook his head. “I-I-“ he sniffled, “I can’t believe someone killed all those frogs!” He sniffled more, rubbing his sleeve across his eyes.
“Um…well uh… I’m sure the frogs all died of, uh, natural causes?” It was at that moment that Procastin really began to wonder…where the hell DID they come up with a shitload of frogs for some high-schoolers to dissect? Was there some sort of…weird frog farm where they were bread for dissection? Or did some weirdoes with nets go out into the swamp…
“Y-you think so?”
“Well, uh, sure, I mean… I’m sure they had long, fulfilling lives and just, uh, donated their bodies to science…” he trailed off, it sounded dumb, but at least Auro looked hopeful. “Uh…want a smoke? Might make you feel better.” He offered Auro his cigarette.
Auro reached out timidly and took it, eyeing it for a few seconds before taking a long drag. Pro chuckled. “Ah, I see you’ve done this before.”
Auro nodded slowly.
Pro reached into his coat and grabbed himself another cigarette. “So…I take it you like frogs-“ though, before Auro could respond, Pro heard the dean’s voice outside the bathroom.
“The hell? Is someone smoking in there AGAIN?”
“Shit! Quick! Out the window!” Pro hissed in a loud whisper, dragging Auro off the toilet and pushing the window open the rest of the way. He gave the elf a leg up, and Auro went tumbling out the window ass over face into a bush, emitting a muffled “Ow.”
Pro started to climb out the window, but it was too late. “Havaleth! I should have known it was you. Young man! Haven’t you learned your lesson! There’s no smoking on school grounds, and you’re seventeen! How did you even get this?” The dean snatched the cigarette from Pro’s hand and threw it in the toilet…what a waste.
“Hey, fuck you, I’ll do what I want!”
“That’s it! Another detention for you young man! And I’m calling your PARENTS this time.”
“Ohh, I’m sooo scaaaaared.”
“You should be! I’m taking you to the principal’s office!”
Pro rolled his eyes as the dean grabbed his wrist and started dragging him out of the bathroom. See? This was why he never went to class.
AND THAT concludes chapter one of KAMIL TE TEEN: ANGST HARDER. Next time: ACTIVITY WEEK. Yes. There’s going to be a next time. YOU CAN NOT ESCAPE IT.
! Only I'm way too lazy to put the formatting in again... Maybe I'll do it later. BUT IT'S IN THE BLOG XD]]Once upon a time in another world, or even, an alternate universe if you will! The members of the Kamil te Kar found themselves in high school...in suburbia… and inexplicably nothing like their actual teenage selves necessarily! Like, Pro’s not an only child and Auro’s not being kept in like a giant corpse filled hole and oh yeah, Pro and Campy are related now even though they inexplicably still have different last names does it not BLOW YOUR MIND. Yeah, whatever, fuck you. Our story starts in the home of Procrastin Havaleth, because that’s the toon this stupid unimaginative author knows the most about- I mean. What? Fuck you. She doesn’t need to justify herself to you! And no she’s not talking in the third person I HAVE AN IDENTITY YOU KNOW! What? Don’t give me that look. Shut up. ANYWAY.
CHAPTER ONE: BIOLOGY CLASS
“SACRAFICE THE VIRGINNNSSS TO OUR DARK LOOORRR-“ Procrastin’s hand fell heavily on the snooze button. As relaxing as death metal was early in the morning, it was still a little TOO early. And his neck was sore as shit. He had to sleep on his side all night and caaaaarefully rotate whenever he rolled over. He’d shaved his inky black hair into a mohawk the night before in a fit of parental inspired rebellion, and had used a bottle of wood glue he’d swiped from shop class the day before to turn it into a glorious spike-hawk. But he had to let the glue set and it made sleeping suck. But damn, his hair was badass now. And represented the darkness in his soul. Yeah. That. And pissed off his parents. But more importantly was the, you know…soul stuff.
Eventually Procrastin managed to ooooze out of bed, and started to don his all black (of course) garb, from the heavy combat boots to fishnet hobo gloves (a guy has to stay warm you know) and his cherished black pleather trench coat. The trench coat almost made him look like a normal human being, you know, aside from all the goth stuff. He’d been in a painful series of growth spurts for the, oh, last three years, leaving him a gangly stretched out mess who was constantly hitting his head on low hanging objects and could single handedly demolish an entire pizza. Or two. Hey, you try going from five foot to six four in a short time. Yeah. Dude probably has stretch marks on his thighs. Not that the author would know anything about growth stretch marks- OH SHIT SHE’S AFTER ME RUN- OW- I’M SORRY MISTRESS.
Ahem. Where were we? grumblegrumbledumbbitchgrumble
Ah, yes, as Procrastin stared DEEPLY into the mirror, carefully applying his black eyeliner, he heard his annoying little brother’s alarm go off.
“The Light loves me this I know! Cuz the Na-ru tell me sooo”
Pro screwed up his face at the sound, and reached over to crank up his own music.
“THE BLOOD FLOWS OVER THE VALLEEEEYYYY. IT’S LIKE A BLOODY LAKE VALLEY OF BLOOOOOOOOOOD. LIKE IF CRATER LAKE WAS FULL OF BLOOD. IF YOU KNOW WHAT CRATER LAKE LOOKS LIIIIKE. IF NOT YOU SHOULD LOOK IT UP CUZ IT’S KINDA COOOOL. AND SOMETHING ABOUT VIKINNNGGGSSS. DEAAATTTHHH. AND THE VIKINGS RAARRGLEGAHWORDSANDWATER ANDTHEREWERGAGLELIKE GRRRAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH AND MORE DEEAAAATTTHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRR”
“Procrastin! Turn that racket down, it’s too early for that nonsense1!” (lol there’s a one, I did that on accident! So I decided to leave it OW MISTRESS STOP HITTING ME I’LL GET TO THE POINT) Um, Procrastin’s parents yelled through his door. Or his mom did, yeah, we’ll go with mom. Pro, of course, pretended not to hear her.
And the morning went on…teeth were brushed…bagels were devoured… death metal was eventually silenced. Pro climbed into his hideous primer gray sedan and discovered a slight problem. His hair was too tall. So he rolled down the window and cocked his head sideways so the spikes could stick outside. The hair must be preserved. He lit up a cigarette in his awkward position as he waited for his little brother. Eventually he saw Campion appear in the doorway, dressed in his customary slacks and polo shirt. As soon as he spotted Campion he put the car in reverse and slooowly started to back out of the driveway. Campion trotted towards the car waving.
“Hey! Stop! I’m not that late!”
Procrastin reluctantly brought the car to a stop as Campion reached for his door and climbed inside.
“Jeeze. What the hell, Pro, you know Mom and Dad don’t want you to smoke.”
Procrastin blew a stream of smoke in Campion’s face. “So?”
Pro slammed the car into drive, and squealed off down the road at a whopping like…twenty five miles an hour. His tires being completely bald by now… The old junker rattled and groaned its way to Azeroth High, somehow making the trip without stalling or breaking. Pro pulled into the parking lot and parked crooked across three spots. Campion glared. But it was a point of contention they’d had argued about too many times to even bother with again.
Pro checked his spikes in the side mirror, to make sure they hadn’t been damaged in the drive. When he was satisfied that they were all perfectly spiky, he grabbed another cigarette, plopped down on the hood of his car, and started smoking as Campion hurried off to class.
Class was for losers. He only came to school to hang out with his friends.
Except today, in second period biology they were dissecting frogs, which sounded pretty cool. He’d probably go to that.
A few minutes later Mandy showed up, this time in a loose gray top slung so low he could see the top of her black lacey bra…niiice. She didn’t so much ask Pro for a cigarette, as reach in his coat and take one for herself. She pulled a lighter out of her ratty jeans pocket and lit up.
“Hi.”
“Hi. So…you know that guy from fifth period? Big draenei guy, Alkernon?”
“Yeah?”
“So. He has like…a tiny penis. I saw it last night.”
“What? Mandy! Ew… ”
“Yeah, I know, it was like a half a roll of pennies when it was at full attention.”
Pro tapped the ash off his cigarette, frowning. “That’s actually kinda sad…poor guy…”
“I know, right? I felt bad for him. So I took him for a spin anyway. And he did my math homework.”
“Nice…I wish I could do chicks and have them do my math homework.”
“Sorry, doesn’t work that way.”
“I know, it sucks…”
Eventually, the end of first period bell rang. Pro waved goodbye to Mandy and made his way to biology class. Time to cut open a frog!
Somehow, Pro still managed to be late for class, and slid inside as the instructor gave his safety spiel. His lab partner, Ester, looked over at Pro with a rather uninterested expression. Ester made the best lab partner. She didn’t give a shit when Pro skipped unlike SOME shitty lab partners. And she was hot in that kinda creepy serial murderer way.
“Oh. You actually showed up today.” She stated it more like a fact as opposed to any sort of judgment.
“Of course, how could I miss this?”
The instructor glared over at Procrastin for a moment at the interruption, then continued his speech. “The scalpels are very sharp! I don’t want to see you kids screwing around with them! Or you’ll get in big trouble! You know what they say, you mess with the tauren…you get the testosterone fueled rage.”
“Um. I don’t think that’s how the saying goes,” Lilifred sneered, causing the gaggle of cheerleaders around her to burst into giggles, while she glared at them with deep seated distain and loathing, which they all completely failed to notice.
The teacher rolled his eyes. “I don’t care! Just don’t screw around! Now-“
“It smells like dead frog and ass in here…” Arenvald blurted. The teacher shrugged, overlooking the potty mouth. The best quarterback Azeroth High had in years got to get away with certain things. You know, sports favoritism or whatever. They were like…going to regional’s or something important.
“That smell is actually the chemicals keeping the frogs preserved! NOW. If there are no more witty interjections, Jaxith and Aleyna, if you two would distribute the frogs. One per pairing…we don’t have enough of them for everyone.” Aleyna scoffed, rolling her eyes as she stood to grab one of the coolers. Her hair seemed to change color every day. Today it was neon green and spiked. Pro proudly noted his spikes were still longer. He did not, however, have enough rings and chains hanging from his ears to jingle when he moved his head, unlike Aleyna.
The elf wove through her half of the room, unceremoniously tossing frogs onto people’s trays, while Jaxith shuffled through his half of the room with a thinly masked look of horror at the prospect of carrying a cooler full of dead frogs. He took each one and gingerly laid it on the trays as if they might break. Who knew a death knight could be so perturbed by dead things? And how’s a death knight in high school you ask? I don’t know. Fuck you.
“You should already have an instruction sheet on your table next to your dissection tray. Follow the instructions CAREFULLY and answer the questions as completely as possible. Let me know if you have any questions.”
Ester snatched up the scalpel as their frog splatted down in its tray. Pro frowned at her.
“Hey! I want to cut it open…”
“You’re too big of a klutz to be trusted with a delicate task,” she said simply, beginning the first incision down the frog’s belly with painful accuracy.
“I’m not a klutz!”
“How many door jams have you run into today?” Ester asked as she read over the next step of their instructions.
Pro frowned…two… “What? I haven’t run into any, fuck you…You’re totally not as hot when you’re being a bitch.”
Ester sloooowly looked over at him, scalpel in hand, and slooowly looked back to the frog. Procrastin’s blood froze.
Pro watched and half-assedly took notes as Ester dissected their frog with alarming precision. It was almost as if she’d done this before. Once the frog was taken apart, and Ester started meticulously filling out their work sheet, Pro rolled his eyes and left. He needed a smoke anyway.
He headed to the boys room and cracked the window. The window needed to be cracked anyway. It smelled like piss in there. It ALWAYS smelled like piss in there. He was pretty sure when the janitor came in to pee at night, he just whizzed all over the walls then spread it around with his mop. As he lit his cigarette he heard a faint sniffling and choking sound. He’d peeked under the stall doors when he came in, it was standard procedure before lighting up, and hadn’t seen any feet. He walked to the far stall where the sniffling was coming from and slowly pushed it open.
On top of the toilet sat Auroran, hugging his legs to his chest and whimpering into his knees. Usually Auro was in Procrastin’s biology class, but then Pro realized he hadn’t seen the elf there. Auro was a weird kid. Procrastin didn’t really know him too well except for his reputation of pretending to read while staring at people during lunch like some sort of creeper.
“Uh….uh….” Pro stammered. He was bad at…awkward shit. “You…okay?”
Auro shook his head. “I-I-“ he sniffled, “I can’t believe someone killed all those frogs!” He sniffled more, rubbing his sleeve across his eyes.
“Um…well uh… I’m sure the frogs all died of, uh, natural causes?” It was at that moment that Procastin really began to wonder…where the hell DID they come up with a shitload of frogs for some high-schoolers to dissect? Was there some sort of…weird frog farm where they were bread for dissection? Or did some weirdoes with nets go out into the swamp…
“Y-you think so?”
“Well, uh, sure, I mean… I’m sure they had long, fulfilling lives and just, uh, donated their bodies to science…” he trailed off, it sounded dumb, but at least Auro looked hopeful. “Uh…want a smoke? Might make you feel better.” He offered Auro his cigarette.
Auro reached out timidly and took it, eyeing it for a few seconds before taking a long drag. Pro chuckled. “Ah, I see you’ve done this before.”
Auro nodded slowly.
Pro reached into his coat and grabbed himself another cigarette. “So…I take it you like frogs-“ though, before Auro could respond, Pro heard the dean’s voice outside the bathroom.
“The hell? Is someone smoking in there AGAIN?”
“Shit! Quick! Out the window!” Pro hissed in a loud whisper, dragging Auro off the toilet and pushing the window open the rest of the way. He gave the elf a leg up, and Auro went tumbling out the window ass over face into a bush, emitting a muffled “Ow.”
Pro started to climb out the window, but it was too late. “Havaleth! I should have known it was you. Young man! Haven’t you learned your lesson! There’s no smoking on school grounds, and you’re seventeen! How did you even get this?” The dean snatched the cigarette from Pro’s hand and threw it in the toilet…what a waste.
“Hey, fuck you, I’ll do what I want!”
“That’s it! Another detention for you young man! And I’m calling your PARENTS this time.”
“Ohh, I’m sooo scaaaaared.”
“You should be! I’m taking you to the principal’s office!”
Pro rolled his eyes as the dean grabbed his wrist and started dragging him out of the bathroom. See? This was why he never went to class.
AND THAT concludes chapter one of KAMIL TE TEEN: ANGST HARDER. Next time: ACTIVITY WEEK. Yes. There’s going to be a next time. YOU CAN NOT ESCAPE IT.
